When you walked down that aisle and said “I Do”, you never thought that he or she would even consider cheating. I mean, on that wedding day, all of your hopes and dreams were being turned into reality, and your future was golden.
So, here we are years later and your spouse has just told you that he/she is seeing someone. Hard to hear.
Typically it doesn’t go like this, though. Often, your spouse is missing in action during the day, or taking late night calls in another room, and is annoyed when you ask what is going on… The annoyance ends up with a claim that YOU don’t trust him/her, and the tables are turned making it all your fault because you don’t have trust. In this scenario, your spouse is not being honest with you, and will continue the deceit until (A) your cheating spouse decides he/she is in love with the paramour and chooses to leave you; or (B) your cheating spouse comes to his/her senses and ends the relationship (a caveat here: Typically in scenario B the cheating spouse just trades in one paramour for another at some point in the future, thus earning the title “Serial Cheater”).
So, let’s go back to the scenario, that your spouse comes home from work one day, sits you down, and states that they are in a relationship with someone. Did you stop loving that person the moment you heard this? Of course not. Your first reaction is to be very very hurt. Then you will work on trying to convince your spouse to stay and work it out with you. Assuming that your spouse is willing to stay with you and end the relationship, it’s time to head together to a very good marital counselor/psychologist to deal with what is coming next, that will be your anger at your spouse for having deceived you and betrayed you. It’s not only hard to get past that anger, it is practically impossible without professional help.
Whether your spouse has finally come clean and told you about this affair, or you discovered it on your own, not only is it imperative that you seek counseling with a good psychologist, you should also sit down with a good domestic relations/divorce attorney to discuss what your options are, and more specifically where you would stand financially, should your relationship actually come to an end. Meeting with a divorce attorney does NOT mean that you have to commence a termination of your relationship. Such a meeting will educate you so that you can have a firm understanding as to where you stand should a termination happen in the future.
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