Years ago, I was listening to James Taylor sing a song entitled “Her Town Too”. He wrote it around the time that he and Carly Simon were ending their marriage. There’s a line in this song that goes like this: “She gets the house and the garden/He gets the boys in the band.” For those experiencing the divorce process, these lyrics can ring loudly in the reality of their experience.
During the process of the divorce, the attorney works on creating an inventory of the assets, determining value, and determining an equitable way (based on the circumstances of the divorce) to divide the assets. Also, the attorney will work on issues of child support, child custody or shared parenting, spousal support, debt determination, who gets the dog..who gets the cat….and how the household goods and furnishings will be divided. The list goes on…
But, what about the aftermath? Who gets the friends? A sad casualty in a divorce includes the “taking of sides” that friends often find themselves doing. This is when you really see who your friends are, and losing friends hurts. It’s a betrayal during a time that you least need any more pain and negativity.
Early on in the divorce process, friends are often counted on to provide supporting information to the court as to how great one parent is over the other. It is a shock when your very good friend aligns with your spouse to assist him or her. And it is a shock when secrets that you had shared with your loving spouse, are now made public as your spouse betrays what had been your confidence, by telling your friends these secrets.
As to who gets custody of the friends? Your friends will be deciding…and your real friends will be there by your side throughout this entire process.